November 29, 2007

By Dr. Mary C. McDonald

Secretary of Education, Superintendent of Catholic Schools

There is a saying I grew up hearing that seemed to be a mantra of the authority figures in my life: "Show me your friends and I'll tell you what you are." I would use it myself to caution, or encourage, my own children as they learned the difference between negative alliances and true friendships. The older I get, the more I think about that saying, and the more I reflect on those in my life I call friends whether life-long, recent, or somewhere in between. I have come to the realization that I love my friends, not just for who they are, but for who I am because of them.

Even in a world where relationships are scattered and mobile, there is a richness added to our lives by the friendships we have cultivated along the way. It is a richness that can not be lessened, even when we are separated from friends by distance, or years, or the demands of a life that leaves us with too little time. It is a seamless garment of caring that binds us together, wherever we are. Whether they "knew us when", or met us last year, friends are for all of the seasons of our lives. Friendships are relationships built on mutual trust, and on an intensity of love and appreciation, transparency and openness that is shared with those who are close to our hearts.

Friends share goals, growing pains and insecurities. And no matter what anyone else says, the only label they ever give us is "friend". They tell us the truth, they define who we are, and they hold us accountable for being our best. Because of them we learn, we risk, we grow. Friends help us to make decisions that shape us into being what we were made for, what we were born to be. Their love lifts us, supports us, understands us, is patient with us, forgives us, and asks for forgiveness from us. Friends give us a different perspective and challenge us to commit to continuous improvement in mind, body and spirit. Their laughter delights, their passion inspires, and their prayers bring peace. They remind us of our sense of purpose when all seems lost. They live with us in our present circumstances, be it tragic or triumphant, always compassionate, always our biggest fan, and always with an eye towards our future.

Like the Good Samaritan, friends notice your needs, and always leave you better off than when they found you. Friends do for you what you cannot do for yourself, like the man in the Bible whose friends helped him by lifting up his stretcher and lowering it through the roof of the house where Jesus was staying, so that the man could be healed. Without a little help from his friends, the man would have missed getting to know Jesus. And, like Jesus, our model of friendship, our friends sometimes lay down their lives for us. Not necessarily physically, but often in our time of need friends drop everything to be with us. And, like Jesus, we still love our friends, even when they, on occasion, betray us, don't understand what we are about, or fall asleep on us just when we are getting to the point of our story. Like Jesus, we see them only with the eyes of our heart, and remember them to God in prayer.

Now, when I hear someone say, "Show me your friends and I'll tell you what you are", I think, "I don't need you to tell me what I am. I know what I am because of my friends. I am blessed!" May we always cherish the blessing of friends in our lives. May we remember to thank God, and them, for their friendship.