Confessions of a Busy Catholic – Mother’s Day and the Sandwich Generation By Leigh Ann Roman

 

This Sunday, I will celebrate my first Mother’s Day as a member of the Sandwich Generation – those who find themselves raising children and caring for elderly parents at the same time. That’s because, in November, my husband and I moved my mom from her 95-year-old house in Kentucky to Memphis to provide support as she deals with the complications of Parkinson’s Disease and arthritis.

 

This is the second big change in our family life in the last year. Late in 2010, we moved back to Memphis from Virginia and made the transition from homeschooling Catholic family to the mainstream – two parents working full-time and two children in school. As my life has become exponentially busier, I have struggled to make Catholic practice as integral to my new life as it had been in those less hectic days.

 

In spite of my busy-ness, or perhaps because of it, my prayer life has increased. I start every day with prayer. Before I even open my eyes, I ask God for help in meeting the needs before me. My morning spiritual reading and prayer are the foundation of every day. And I find that I have time to pray the Rosary on the commute to work – or the Divine Mercy chaplet – and that helps to put my day in proper perspective before it truly begins.

 

Since moving Mom to Memphis, I have been struck by the similarities between becoming a new mother and becoming your mother’s caregiver. It is tiring and humbling but very worthwhile. There is no guidebook, and I do make mistakes. But there are good days and moments I would never have had if I had made a different decision. In my case, it was the right decision: Mom’s support in my tiny hometown was dwindling as friends and family aged. In Memphis, she lives in a senior high-rise where meals, activities and light housekeeping are provided – all just five minutes from where I work in Midtown.  So it works, but it’s busy. And I find I am leaning more heavily on my faith more than ever before.

 

Living as I do also encourages me to live 24 hours at a time – something that draws me closer to God. You may have heard it said that God is found in the present moment– not the past or the future. By living one day at a time, I am purposely practicing the presence of God, knowing He is with me every step of the way. That was especially helpful during the difficult weeks after Mom’s hip replacement surgery. Somehow, I didn’t worry during those weeks, in spite of the chaos. Although it was stressful, I slept like a baby, sure that everything would work out. Slowly, it did.

 

Just as the rewards of motherhood are intrinsic, so are those of caregiving. I have always respected my mother, but my respect for her has grown as I have walked with her on this difficult journey. It’s not easy having an incurable, progressive disease. And it is not easy to leave your lifelong home. She has good days and bad days, but I know she always does the best she can and tries to understand my limitations. When I can say or do something that makes her smile in spite of her difficulty, that is reward enough.

 

Happy Mother’s Day to one and all.

 

Leigh Ann Roman is member of Holy Rosary Catholic Church and a professional writer. You can reach her at catholic_writer@yahoo.com.