July 17, 2008

This Far By Faith

June Brides and Their Families

By Bishop J. Terry Steib, S.V.D.

During the month of June, many young men and women come to the altar to be married. Bride magazines do their very best to sell gowns, flowers, tuxedos, pillows and rings to people who make June a special time for weddings. At the Naval Academy, West Point and the Air Force Academy, graduation time in June is also the time for many weddings of newly minted officers and their fiances. And often the question is asked of married women: "Were you a June bride?" So, June is a happy time — a time when new families are beginning.

We enjoy being at weddings; we love to see the warmth of love between a newly married couple; we wish them the very best; and then we go back to our daily routine. And somewhere along the way, we forget that the newly married couple is a family. We support the couple with gifts, but sometimes we fail to realize that newly married couples are like every Christian family: they now have many responsibilities. Too often we think that a family does not become a family until a child arrives. But the reality is that when a couple is joined together in Matrimony we have a family. It is a small family, but a family nonetheless.

Children add a wonderful dimension to that family; and much of the theology of marriage centers on the total family _ a Mom, a Dad, and their children. As the theological reflection at the third World Meeting of the Holy Father and Families said in October of 2000: "Children occupy a privileged place in the family, the ecclesiola, the small church, which is the Christian family." Given that the Church believes that every family is a small church, the responsibilities of that small church are numerous.

As children join a family, couples begin to understand that the family is a school of prayer and a privileged place in which the transmission of our Catholic faith takes place. Many times I have witnessed couples helping their children understand that there is a God. It may be a simple thing like teaching the child to make the sign of the cross, or helping them to reach the holy water font on their way into church on Sundays. Children will grow to appreciate and understand the Mass as the years go on because their parents are attentive at Mass. A child who witnesses his or her parents going to Mass week after week realizes that the Eucharistic celebration is an important part of the journey of faith. Children observe and absorb more about their faith by watching their parents than by probably any other cause. This is why we often say that parents are the first educators of their children, especially in the area of faith.

But today, our society seems to be leveling systematic attacks on the family. For example, being a mother is so seldom seen as a vocational task or as a life of service to others. We often base the value and dignity of women on their ability to exist in the professional world. Somehow, today too many people believe that a woman only has value when she works outside the home, and we fail to recognize that being a mother and staying home with the kids is much more than another "praiseworthy profession." Unquestionably, women can be both professionals and mothers, but their motherhood does not depend on their profession. Their motherhood is a gift to their children and raising the children within the circle of motherhood and fatherhood to have a deep respect for God and life is not so much a job as it is a vocation.

Recognizing the value of motherhood and fatherhood demands that we recognize that marriage is not just a contract. It is instead a covenant: a covenant between a man and a woman. Because marriage is a covenant, and not a contract, it cannot be made and undone at will. Divorce is not the given way for a marriage to end. Divorce is a painful and often terrifying way of bringing a relationship to an end. No one wins when divorce takes place.

So we need to keep believing and living the fact that marriage is a covenant similar to the covenant that God has with each of us. We need to remember that the two characteristics of God's covenant of love with us are faithfulness and unyielding love. God has every reason to give up on us because there are times when we behave so badly toward God. Nonetheless, God remains faithful to his promises and continues to love us despite our sins. Faithfulness and unyielding love is the covenant that God has with us! This is the kind of covenant that married people need to have with one another.

June is a time for weddings, for happy brides and grooms. But it is also a time for us to recall what the Sacrament of Marriage is or should be for us Christians. Trusting in the Lord, we continue our journey in faith, knowing that in marriage people will find their way to God _ a way that asks for the same faithfulness and love of the covenant that God has with each of us.